In the light of eternity will this really matter?

I awoke and got up at 6am today and meditated. I use a prayer stooI, and this morning I was like a bird sitting on a perch, dozing of every few minutes, and jolting myself awake so as not to fall face first on the carpet. So I after 10 mins of this almost unconscious behaviour, (not once did I recall counting to ten with my breathing) I sleep-walked myself back to bed.  I should have known it was going to be one of those days.

....one of those days when I find myself repeatedly saying "Oh dear"....and that is before I’ve got out of bed. All those 'situations' that have been coming at me from all directions, the ones that I placed on hold, in the hope that they would go away, are suddenly dumped on my head as I try to rest peacefully on my pillow. Instead I wake up with a heavy, tired overwhelming, head-spinning, slightly traumatised (is that like being slightly pregnant?) depressed state of being. Not a good way to start the day! 

....but the day starts anyway, one of those head-under-the-pillow-leave-me-alone type days. What I really what to do is jump out of bed full of life and energy with a clear head, knowing exactly what I need to do to get myself organised. The support and understanding of a close friend would top it off nicely.

So I start with breakfast, then break into the mountain of clothes that need washing, then empty out my car-load of paintings from the sale (where I didn’t sell a thing!) and the closure of my studio and gallery. I am about to head off to my defunct gallery to fill my car up with more homeless art materials and and shelves, bring it back to my place where there is nowhere to put it all unless we put one of our cars out on the street. The internet is down, and I’m still in denial about Christmas which is but a few days away! I remember someone saying that we spend more time managing our life than just living it. How true this can be.

So, the million-dollar questions: Where is God in all this? When do I feel connected to God? When do I notice his guidance and do I hear him speak to me?

I read somewhere, “In the light of eternity will this really matter?” Well that puts all my fretting into perspective doesn’t it, because it will matter f.... all! So it kind of helps. It helped me to relax, close my eyes, breathe and not think about anything much but eternity. Mmmm...that actually does feel quite good! Can I trust that what needs to happen will happen and what I need will come to me? You know I suspect it will. I’ve just got to slow down, do what is necessary and keep my eyes and ears open wide to what it is I am looking for.

...and guess what? I am at the other end of the day now. The computers are working, about half the washing is done. The house is not so cluttered with all my junk because I had a brain-wave ( now I wonder where that come from???) and I am in the process of negotiating with the owner of the property that I am vacating, if I can use it as an art studio only and not a gallery and workshop for the community. This will solve so many difficulties if they are willing to charge me a reasonable rent. I think this is Gods guidance but I can only be sure when I see how it unfolds. In the meantime I am still looking for a space I can rent and move into if this suggestion fails.

I am itching to paint. I’ve worked out how to do clouds and I’m tracking one of my favorite artists. In her videos, it is like I am watching myself at work. Her whole being is with the creative process as she produces her work. She is wild and free, doesn’t get bogged down in the detail and her studio set-up is what I'm aiming for as its functional for this style of expressive art. Unbeknown to her she is my teacher and muse. Soon and very soon, I will be set up in a similar way to start working on my next body of work.