The Journey Begins...

We don't all believe the same thing at the same time and some don't believe anything at all. This is all part of being who we are, where we are, and the choices we make are our own.  In this blog, when I speak of God and Spirit, I am referring to the Christian interpretation of God, because that is my spiritual background and it still holds true for me at this time in my life.  This does not mean that what is true for me, must also be true for you, unless you want it to be. You will already have your own ideas about God or maybe no God at all. 

This blog is about my path,  a spiritual journey that started from the moment I was born and will continue to the day I take my last breath. Beyond that I don't really know or fully understand yet. I was not really aware of this journey until I was around 27, after my second child. Now at 52, after much spiritual and creative journeying that has led me to where I am now, I have experienced the stirring of the spirit of God in my soul yet again. This time unexpected, but clearly and lovingly questioning me, guiding and changing me. 

Why do I listen? Why do I change anything? Why do I stop doing seemingly important and loving things and instead do seemingly un-important, self-centred things?

It is because there is a sense that I am moving closer to the spirit of God, to the spirit that dwells in me and the miracle is, I feel like I am moving closer to who I am,  along with all the things I dream to be and want to give out. In this place I can breathe easier, relax, feel happy and okay in my own skin, do what feels good and right for me. I feel I'm responding to a God who is my coach and He knows exactly what I need to be at this point in time, and how to move toward my greatest God given potential and having the ability to gift that to others. I know that this sounds like ego talking. All about me and my feelings, but I can only be guided by these moment by moment, and match them up with my knowledge and information learned from studying the biblical stories. I have not always trusted my own stories and I could be missing the rich theology that exists in my very own life experiences!

My spiritual director asks me...When do I sense that I am connected to God? Where am I?What am I doing? What is it like? Who am I with? How do I feel? Does God speak into my life? These are the things I have noticed and explored intermittently in the past and that proven to be helpful. Now I'm ready to notice and explore again.

In the last  3 mths I have been through a number of changes. I decided to stop going to Church for a period of time. The first time in over 20 years. This was made more complicated for me because my husband is a high profile office bearer in the church. He is my pastor and pastor of my congregation and bishop of our district. Nevertheless this was a decision that I was clearly ready to make.

Other factors that have influenced this decision in my life is my work as a visual artist and teacher. A change of circumstances around my studio space  has considerably reduced the number of art students I had. Also there are changes in my current studio space and gallery.  This is like the outer layers are being stripped away, giving me more time to think about my commitments. There are things I want to do. They meet my needs for personal growth  and  drawing nearer to God. I'm aware that my life here is only a few short years and I am already over half way...if I am not living it fully and authentically in this body that God has given me,  then whose body am I trying to live in and why?

I have felt the need to experience who God is for me through my creative expression and artwork. I want to paint how I connect and relate to God and more importantly how He connects and relates to me. I'm in the middle of training to lead InterPlay. I want to dance and move and use my voice. This has been a life changing practice for me. I  also love facilitating the wonderful art of Touch Drawing and this has helped me through some of my darkest moments.  I want to journal and share this part of my journey as I am doing here. I have started to meditate again, only 5 mins a day to begin with. I love the stillness and silence I experience and the awareness of God's presence symbolised by a lighted candle. I want to exercise by walking near the beach and eat fresh natural food. I'm trying to go to bed by 10pm because the next day I feel better. I will continue to see my spiritual director who will be a companion along the way and who has already helped me to see the possibilities for living my life more fully with God. I am anxious and excited at the same time.

So my journey continues here. I  know I'm on the right track for me and that I am heading somewhere good, wholesome, more real, true, deeper, expansive, meaningful and healing. 

I have a destination in mind  which I'll speak about in the next post. This is a time of letting go of the people, places and things that are not needed right now to grow in my connection to God. This helps me make more sense of my being here on this planet earth.  I will listen and learn and follow and try not to get side tracked for too long on roads that others would like me to travel on, because it feels good for them. It is important for me to know myself,  trust my thoughts, listen within, and notice where the indwelling spirit of God is leading me.

From Father Richard Rohr: Perfect fullness is always to come, and we do not need to demand it now. This keeps the field of life wide open and especially open to grace and to a future created by God, rather than us. This is what it means to be “awake,” as the gospel urges us (Matthew 24:42)!